thechronicchillpill:

“If youre not hiding anything youll let me look through this” is a gross manipulation tactic

You have every right to keep your stuff private, it is natural to not want people, no matter how close they are, going through your phone/papers/conversations/pictures.

Dont let them trick you into feeling bad because youre a human who wants privacy.

otherwindow:

Creators: INTRODUCING A BRAND NEW FANTASY WORLD
The world: [Medieval European setting with knights and castles. Elves live in the forest. Dwarves yelling and drinking. Orcs just green and angry. Dragons. Boob armour.]

otherwindow:

Creators: INTRODUCING A BRAND NEW FANTASY WORLD
The world: [Medieval European setting with knights and castles. Elves live in the forest. Dwarves yelling and drinking. Orcs just green and angry. Dragons. Boob armour.]

forthegothicheroine:

Villains in Addams Family movies go to really unnecessary lengths to defraud them of the family fortune. These people just give it away on whims all the time. If I just walked into the house and started wearing their clothes and spending their money, they wold start introducing me as Cousin Intruder and forget there was ever a time I didn’t live with them.

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

cakesoup:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

please give us updates

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

op will not die of natural causes

matt-ruins-your-shit:

libertarirynn:

curiooftheheart:

tilthat:

TIL Daisy from The Great Gatsby is based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s girlfriend, Ginevra King. She broke up with him saying “Poor boys shouldn’t think of marrying rich girls”. The last time they met she asked if someone in Gatsby was based on her. Fitzgerald replied “Which bitch do you think you are?”

via reddit.com

P O W E R M O V E

Aw shit son

Imagine being roasted and your roast becomes required reading forever as an American classic.

melitta4ever:

reddit-tales:

What secret will you take to your grave?

In Dutch, when you boil an egg and then place it into cold water to make it easier to peel an egg, it’s called “to scare” the eggs.

One day when I was about 6 or 7, my mom asked me to “scare” the eggs. So, little joker I was, lifted the lid of the pan and yelled “BOOO!”

My mom cracked up and has been telling this story ever since, for over 20 years. She’s come to love the story and still truly thinks that I wanted to really “scare” the eggs. Truth is I knew what “scaring an egg” meant and only wanted to make her laugh because she was in a sad place and time back then.

It’s made her laugh for over 20 fucking years, that means it’s the best joke I’ve ever pulled off and I’d die before I’d let her find out I was just kidding.

This is the sweetest thing.

wonderytho:

me irl